by Danara Alexandrei | Jan 25, 2020 | LARP Civics, LARPs
Bigotry in our LARP is inevitable in many forms, but sexism is one of the more pervasive things that we deal with. As a female presenting human being, I exhaustively deal with microaggressions of this sort every day. A lot of LARP runners hope to minimize this by writing into their setting that it’s egalitarian or that sexism hasn’t ever existed, but in this one person’s humble opinion, that approach isn’t the only good approach.
Now I must stress the opinion part. Every human being is going to have a different take on how microaggressions and more serious aggressions affect us.
I’ve played in plenty of LARPs that both acknowledged and featured sexism and many who insisted it wasn’t a part of the setting at all, and I found in the latter that I personally felt less heard. Let me explain why. Sexism, whether we like it or not, exists in our day to day lives. Male and male presenting transfolk (non-binary. A trans male is just a male.) have certain privileges in society that females and femme-presenting transfolk do not. I personally enjoy rising above that challenge in a fantasy setting, but think there should be avenues for females to ignore those aggressions built in. You should have a matriarchal society somewhere in your setting, for example, or a matriarchal group.
What breaks down for me when you say that your world is egalitarian is that your players, by nature of their society, are not egalitarian. They just aren’t–it’s not that they do not try, but they will, unfortunately, frequently slip up. By acknowledging sexism in your setting, you give us a voice where others would silence us. Taking this very real issue and putting it on the fantasy palate, acknowledging it, forces the players on both sides to know it is real. In a society that frequently claims that a woman’s voice is hysterical, telling a woman she is not experiencing sexism because this world doesn’t have it, when you cannot truly remove it from the play sphere, is often extremely alienating.
“We must strive for the best version of ourselves,” I can hear you say. That’s noble, and I’m not saying that my opinion is every woman’s opinion. What I can tell you is that in a world that takes my oppression and pretends it does not exist in any meaningful way just because it’s uncomfortable for you to grapple with, I feel incredibly silenced. Some others will feel freed, and so I am not saying it is wrong, but I am saying that if you think you are taking the moral high ground, you are not thinking about the issue with nuance.
Opting to remove a horrible experience from discussion and the roleplay of the world is not a moral win in any circumstance. It’s perhaps an easier stance, and a more comfortable one, but it has its own consequences and fallout–and the victims are often the ones put underfoot. This applies to many topics that are uncomfortable in our society.
by Danara Alexandrei | Jan 24, 2020 | LARP Civics, LARPs, Newcomers
LARPing is, at its core, a whole bunch of geeks getting together in one space to do something they love.
Unfortunately, that comes with a lot of logistical issues. Not everyone wants the same thing from a LARP, and it’s a game of compromise and care for your fellow humans. Here’s a few suggestions on how to be your best self at LARP, and help others have a great time.
Know what you want and what you need.
As you are prepared to compromise, you have to make sure you are aware of your boundaries. A lot of people will be falling into roles and enjoying a setting to its fullest that may have themes that you don’t care for. Make sure you know where the line is so you can get out before you’re actually hurt. These guys are your friends, some of them, but a lot of them are strangers. Nobody wants to accidentally hurt you, but nobody here is psychic either. If you have a hard line against a topic that will come up in game, make a plan for how you will personally avoid it. If you can’t figure out a good way to avoid a hard line for you, don’t put yourself in that situation. If you can’t stand feudalism and will get upset whenever it comes up, don’t join a feudal game. If you just sorta don’t care for it, join and make plans for how to not participate in it as much as you can.
Don’t blame others for you not having fun.
Other people can’t make you have fun. Only you can. While sometimes missing stairs are a thing, most times, another LARPer accidentally getting in the way of your fun is just that–an accident. Not everyone knows what is fun for you, but you do! You can’t force yourself to always have fun, and sometimes things just won’t work out, but I can tell you that even in the crummiest most boring of games, if you desire to have fun, you can have it. This isn’t saying you can’t discuss how to fix issues, or address a certain player’s fun being opposite your own, but blaming another human being who is not targeting you for taking your fun away isn’t the way to fix your game–it’s a crab pot mentality, where you are trying to spread your misery.
Be Considerate.
Be willing to listen if someone else says something isn’t working for them. If something you are doing is intrinsically unhelpful and stressful for them, try and work it out. Don’t force yourself to bend over backwards to the point that you can’t have fun, but be cautious and courteous. If that person doesn’t like being bullied in character and your character is just a bully, implement the old forum strategy: try not to run into them. When your fun and their fun is completely opposite one another, it’s best to give them space if you can’t add positives to their game. You’ll find there are a lot of players who love strife and conflict–it’s better when it’s done with someone you are comfortable with and it’s entirely in character.
